ok - i shall first say that i am in no way perfect, not even close - and i fully understand the idea of what faults you find in others are often direct reflections of yourself. ok. there's that.
now for the greasy stuff:
1) if you are going to be accountable, and even have a degree IN accounting (i mean, really), then for the love of god please do not say one thing, mean another, and do something else entirely. i am depending on your word as your word, and if you don't mean it - don't say it. and seriously, don't do it twice.
2) please don't pretend to offer something and then at the last minute pull the rug out. or even hint at pretending. if i ask you - can i ... whatever it is. say no or say yes, but please, if you can save the ambiguity. or the 'oh i'm trying to be nice about it' it's like baiting me and the slapping me in the face. opposite of fun.
3) if you are upset with me about one thing - say it. if not right then, then it better be soon after. do not - do NOT transfer all those pent up feelings into something benign and then throw it all at me and expect me to understand. it is a) unsuccessful and b) dumb. if you are upset at something i said a month ago, but are leashing it out on me through something else today, i'm sorry i can't read between those lines. i am not that smart, i guess, and i am toootally okay with that.
it's a shame you don't have the confidence to stand up and say what you feel, and it's also a shame that for whatever past i have that i have given you the impression that i cannot handle whatever feelings you currently hold. sure shit stings - rather have an immediate sting-regroup-correct-learn thing than the other way around.
holding on to the past is one thing - we all harbour images, thoughts, emotions, the lot. these frame us, shape us, teach us who we want to be, and who we don't.
holding onto anger until it seeps up as something else is unhealthy. please, don't take your unhealthy out on me.
not even close to the end, but.... all i'm gonna say on the blog thing.
chels
pax
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