STEP UP PEOPLE!

ok - i shall first say that i am in no way perfect, not even close - and i fully understand the idea of what faults you find in others are often direct reflections of yourself. ok. there's that.

now for the greasy stuff:

1) if you are going to be accountable, and even have a degree IN accounting (i mean, really), then for the love of god please do not say one thing, mean another, and do something else entirely. i am depending on your word as your word, and if you don't mean it - don't say it. and seriously, don't do it twice.

2) please don't pretend to offer something and then at the last minute pull the rug out. or even hint at pretending. if i ask you - can i ... whatever it is. say no or say yes, but please, if you can save the ambiguity. or the 'oh i'm trying to be nice about it' it's like baiting me and the slapping me in the face. opposite of fun.

3) if you are upset with me about one thing - say it. if not right then, then it better be soon after. do not - do NOT transfer all those pent up feelings into something benign and then throw it all at me and expect me to understand. it is a) unsuccessful and b) dumb. if you are upset at something i said a month ago, but are leashing it out on me through something else today, i'm sorry i can't read between those lines. i am not that smart, i guess, and i am toootally okay with that.
it's a shame you don't have the confidence to stand up and say what you feel, and it's also a shame that for whatever past i have that i have given you the impression that i cannot handle whatever feelings you currently hold. sure shit stings - rather have an immediate sting-regroup-correct-learn thing than the other way around.

holding on to the past is one thing - we all harbour images, thoughts, emotions, the lot. these frame us, shape us, teach us who we want to be, and who we don't.

holding onto anger until it seeps up as something else is unhealthy. please, don't take your unhealthy out on me.

not even close to the end, but.... all i'm gonna say on the blog thing.

chels
pax

my attetion span has evapor... what was i saying?

well hello there,

so my brain has decided to check out at the worst possible time. i'm staring at my study materials i've owned for a year now, but they just stare back - the information does not jump off the page and into my memory, sadly. the long days are very boring and genuinely unproductive. i know i'm supposed to lose a few brain cells, but i truly think most of them are in bermuda somewhere either on the beach or lost in that damn triangle.

anyway, today, to combat the afternoon blues - you know when almost everyone's brain turns to slush (ie, why we have an 8-5 workday), i decided - hey self, let's take a nice shower, get things refreshed, and maybe i'll have a new outlook on studying for the rest of the day. this was after talking myself out of watching a movie, surfing the 'net, or procrastinating in many other ways. so shower it is.

i think i was in there 15 seconds when the entire ceiling caved in and landed on top of me.

so now i'm unclean, unrefreshed, and still unmotivated, and have to clean up wet ceiling. fun!

there IS a nice breeze today, though. so at least that's good.


chels
pax

postscript: following said post, cat knocked over full glass 'o water onto said study materials.

not kidding.

oh...day

c